Nature Calling

New York - The experience of being stuck in a traffic jam and needing to spend a penny

A few years back I had the pleasure of working in New York and living in Westchester County close to the Hudson river. I  usually took the train to the city,  but on this fine spring day I decided to take the car and benefit from the picturesque country on the way to town.

Traffic was pretty light most of the way, but things got difficult after the tolls on the Henry Hudson bridge just before Manhattan. Soon we were reduced to a crawl and stop-go. All I could do now, was to watch the cars on the outside lane, keeping a check on my progress in relation to them. It was a game that helped pass the time. I’d see the little sports car, behind me previously, move ahead and feel frustrated that I was being left behind in the wrong lane. Then suddenly we’d move and I’d catch up again.

Having lost count of time, I'd really had no idea how long it was before I felt a funny but familiar sensation telling me that nature was calling.  I automatically squeezed to overcome the urge. At first it was weak and I thought no more about it. I concentrated instead on observing the people and cars around me. Trying to get it out of my mind. But soon it became more persistent. I knew I should have gone to the bathroom before leaving. Trust me not to think of this at the time and end up stuck in a position like this!

I started to panic. There really was no way out.  I couldn't even leave the Parkway which, to my right, was inaccessible . It  Seemed I was here for the duration... All I could do was to squeeze more regularly  and even so my time was limited. The clock had already started ticking to count down - there was no  escape.  What to do? It was all down to providence from now on. Relax, I thought as we moved forward and I passed a few cars on my left. But how could I relax without letting go? I prayed that whatever was causing the delay would clear and we'd soon reach an exit. We were drawing close to the George Washington Bridge. Not long now...

Another 10 minutes went by and we’d only moved a hundred yards. This was where the Panic really set in...! Terrified I might not make it to any exit. By now I was shifting up and down in my seat awaiting the inevitable. I started humming to take my mind off things. Then I decided to stop in case I lost my concentration.  I even switched the radio off.

Keep still, I thought, and squeeze your legs. By then I had lost all interest in my surroundings, and as my focus slowly waned from steering wheel to what issues lay below, like a miracle, the exit sign appeared up ahead! I started tapping my foot with impatience willing all other cars out of the way to clear my path. It was now a tossup, maybe I would make it and then again maybe I would not...  Tension was mounting. As I got to the slip road I sensed some relief, but the physical conditions hadn’t changed. I can’t even remember how I managed to get off the highway.

I found myself on a street on the Upper Westside. It didn’t look very promising, grafitti on shop fronts but I didn't care. Here, at least I could stop. I saw a hotel sign hanging down from above a door and made straight for it. No time to look for a parking space. Not now!

Without a second's thought I pulled up,  double parked, not even stopping to switch off the motor and close the car door. I  raced inside, and by the way the guy at the desk looked at me he must have known that I was pretty desperate indeed! To say The place looked seedy was, at the very least, an understatement, but in the given circumstances, I couldn't have cared less. All I needed was a bathroom. No time to worry or explain and having indicated as much to the grinning clerk, he just pointed and said, "up stairs."

I run up the steps two at a time, only to be intercepted by a couple of girls who judging by their dress and make up, must have been resident workers.

"Where's the bathroom?" I asked holding my hands in front of me, as they giggled pointing down the passage. I rushed past them and got inside, not bothering to shut the door.

What a relief! I was finally free. I’d made it and I no longer had a care in the world.
The meeting was no longer important, either.  Nothing was.  As I went out I gave the girls a big smile but hurried past them down the stairs. I said "thanks" and waved at the man at the desk who gave me a friendly smile as he looked up and told me, "have a good day."

When I emerged from the hotel, my car was just where I'd left it, double parked with engine running and the door wide open!

People have told me I'm lucky not to have had it stolen, or at the very least been issued with a ticket. But, I guess I'd had enough bad luck for one day to warrant anymore!